As someone who has spent a lot of time and energy in feminist spaces, it never fails to amaze me when non-lesbian women try to draw a wedge between lesbians and gay men. But never being attracted to the reproductive sex you’re “supposed to be,” in a world where producing offspring is upheld as humanity’s innate purpose by religion and science alike, is an existence only homosexual people know. And that’s why gay men ran to our aid when bisexual singer Betty Who–married to a man but previously identified as gay–said she “holds space” for lesbian musician Reneé Rapp to fall in love with a man one day.
Male-partnered bisexual women who previously identified as lesbians–many of whom knew they were attracted to men at the time–need to stop acting persecuted by lesbians who are sick of being told that “sexuality is fluid.” It’s homophobic. Your bisexual experience is not universal. Telling lesbians their sexuality is just as fluid as yours is low-hanging fruit. After white-knighting for JoJo Siwa–who capitalised on lesbianism while knowing she could be attracted to men–Betty Who said, in Mallorie Glownke’s Made It Out podcast:
“A huge part of queerness is identifying yourself and putting yourself under the alphabet mafia…Like ‘Which one are you?’ and ‘If you change that, I will never forget it!’ As much as it’s funny that Reneé Rapp is like, ‘You’ll never catch me dating a man.’ It’s like, ‘Go off, queen! I love that for you.’ But I also hold space for her in 10 years if she goes, ‘Oops, I met the love of my life and it’s this man, I didn’t mean to.’ It’s like, that’s okay!”
Betty Who said this as if she were the first person in history to tell a lesbian she could end up with a man. As if she’s being revolutionary, and not just conservatively homophobic. As if it’s EXACTLY what lesbians need to be reminded, as if we aren’t banged over the head with the heterosexual bible every day of our lives. Betty Who went on a lesbian podcast and used that microphone to defend male-partnered bisexual women, who she thinks are wrongfully vilified by the evil lesbians who are tired of bisexual entitlement to everything lesbian.
Betty Who depicts lesbians as label-obsessed cops for wanting our sexual orientation, which puts us in a vulnerable position, respected without appropriation, fetishisation or denunciation. Betty wasn’t only on the podcast to defend bisexual women who would rather pretend bisexuality and lesbianism are indistinguishable; she went as far as to say that it felt “like a crime to be straight” now. Yes, she essentially said “reverse-homophobia” unironically. As lesbian icon and musician King Princess said about Betty Who’s comments on TikTok: “You are not a victim…you are in a position of privilege, dating a man in a heteronormative society.”
Only homosexuals can understand the existence of homosexuality, and just how wildly homophobic it is to suggest that it is changeable. Gay men, some of whom are also subjected to conversion therapy, STILL in 2025, were not having Betty Who’s “sexuality is fluid” homophobia.
Horace Gold, a gay man and content creator, said on TikTok: “I feel the need to advocate for lesbians and gay–singularly gay–people…[Betty Who] has been with her husband for 10 years…the situation is not the same. You are not speaking for me. I’m not going to be married to a woman in 10 years. Lesbians are not going to be married to a man in 10 years. So, sorry girl, but I don’t know why the fuck you’re talking about this. I don’t know why the fuck you go on a LESBIAN podcast and say, basically, “well, nobody’s really a lesbian.” I’m sorry? This is why it’s so important to acknowledge the difference between singularly gay people and bisexual people, because I will never marry a woman. I will never have heteronormativity to fall back on.”
In another video, Gold refers to a portion of the podcast where Betty Who says her husband is planning on going to Fire Island to “take photos of all the gay men in their natural habitat because he is so drawn to the primal nature of gay men.” What the fuck? The sort of homophobia that portrays gay men as sexually reckless monsters who are too debauched and deviant to be normal members of society is not new. This isn’t the Discovery Channel. And I am so TIRED of bi women pretending their straight male partners are “so fruity.” Fuck off. That’s a whole straight man.
Lesbians are viewed as having a changeable, “fluid” sexual orientation because the heteropatriarchal world cannot fathom women never desiring dick. That heteropatriarchal world includes Betty Who. The pressure to be attracted to the opposite sex can influence lesbians to force themselves into sex and relationships with men. That’s not the same as genuinely being interested in both men and women.
Betty Who conflates her experience, as someone who once “thought she was gay,” with lesbianism. She does so by eliminating the difference between bisexuality and lesbianism, reducing us to some murky, monolithic “queer” puddle and then telling lesbians they could find a man, too, because we Sapphics are all the same. Lesbians are corrected by heteropatriarchy for *not* being attracted to men more than we are for being attracted to women. Bisexual women need to read that again until it sinks in.
*Since publishing this article, it was brought to my attention that Betty apologised about some of her comments in an Instagram story.
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