When self-described “lesbian” King Princess excitedly described men loving her “tiny little pussy and tits” despite her “look[ing] like a dude” on a 2024 bonus episode of the podcast Celebrity Book Club with Steven & Lily, my stomach flipped. Suddenly, like the psychic visions on That’s So Raven, my mind rudely pulled me into a vortex of images that formed a pattern I couldn’t help but recognise: bisexual women who’ve identified as lesbians while getting off on the way men want to ‘change their mind’ and conquer them. Actual lesbians’–female homosexuals’–traumatic, living nightmare of men’s fetishistic obsession with us is increasingly becoming a kinky roleplay between men and bisexual women.
Think back to Jenny in the original 2004 season of The L Word. Remember when she sees Shane and a lover fucking in Bette and Tina’s pool? It stirs sexual feelings in her. I don’t blame her. What I do blame her for is later describing what she saw in the pool while having sex with her boyfriend, Tim. She tells a fucking man–the very thing lesbians DO NOT want in their sex lives–the details of lesbian intimacy that she shouldn’t have even watched, let alone exploited. Both Tim and Jenny fetishise lesbians in the scene. But it was Jenny who chose to betray lesbians. Many bisexual women do.
Some bisexual women take the fetishisation of lesbians a step further: dykebreaking. I’m feeling a bit sick having to type this out: some bisexual women roleplay or identify as lesbians to make men think they’re getting to fuck a lesbian. There have been entire subreddits for it. ‘Lesbian’ is up there with ‘teen’ in the most searched porn categories ever. Everyone knows it’s a popular fantasy for men to ‘change’ a lesbian. What nobody’s willing to talk about is how many bisexual women fantasise about being the lesbian he ‘breaks’.
When it comes to dykebreaking, the non-lesbian woman and man get off on lesbophobia. The danger uniquely created by the non-lesbian woman in this case is that men think they’ve actually conquered a lesbian. The woman fails to disclose that she was attracted to men in the first place. She is getting off on pretending to be a lesbian who’s being raped by a man. Never mind that, annually, at least 500 lesbians are victims of corrective rape in South Africa.
The bisexual woman with a dykebreaking kink enjoying sex with men despite identifying as a lesbian inappropriately confirms that corrective rape could work on lesbians. Men who have consensual sex with these bisexual “lesbians” think they’re performing a factory reset. He gets to feel like the champion of all men – the one exception who brought this woman back to men, where patriarchy says she rightly belongs. Most dangerously, he’ll try again, or inspire some friends to do so – perhaps on a real lesbian next time.
Dykebreaking is not an underground, rare sex act. It reflects common beliefs about lesbianism. Take a look at how many bisexual women identify as lesbians in general. Even if they don’t have a dykebreaking kink and intend on only dating women for the rest of their lives, it’s extremely lesbophobic to see no difference between a bisexual female abstaining from men and a female homosexual who’s incapable of attraction towards them. It’s also misogynistic: you think all females are attracted to men, lesbians just hide it. Which is just as bad as the men who say lesbians “haven’t found the right man yet.” The ones who say, “you haven’t tried my dick yet.”
Naturally, bisexual women often date men in the future despite currently identifying as lesbians. Remember when Betty Who, a male-partnered bisexual woman whose partner also fetishises gay men, said she “holds space” for lesbian artist Reneé Rapp to fall in love with a man one day? Bisexuals often universalise their experience and think lesbians are just as likely to “find a man” as they are. The JoJo Siwa saga is another example. Listen to bisexual Instagram user @iliftfordoughnuts talk about why she’s ready to give up lesbianism and return to men, rather than admitting she never was a lesbian:
Now, read the comments on the reel, rooted in conversion therapy and outright dykebreaking:
Where’s the dykebreaking, you ask? Well, @iliftfordoughnuts isn’t saying she has always been bisexual, but just exclusively dated women for the last six years. She’s explicitly omitting her bisexuality and pretending she was a lesbian but has “grown up.” She can’t resist being with a strong, muscly man who’ll mow the lawns and kill the spiders. She’s interested in having a “feminine era.” This could be a paid sponsorship from the religious right. This could be a paid sponsorship from men obsessed with ‘breaking’ lesbians. The way she talks about women is filled with hate, like the heteropatriarchal robot she is.
It gets worse. @iliftfordoughnuts goes as far as to agree that lesbians make the best partners to men. This is another example of universalising bisexuality and defining lesbianism as preferring women. I don’t prefer women; I’m incapable of attraction towards the male body. Lesbians are female homosexuals. It is possible to be a female and never experience attraction to men. I’d be jealous, too.
Another way dykebreaking manifests in society is how it’s now a cancellable offence for lesbians to say we don’t like penis. Renée Rapp recently came under fire after a 2025 episode of the podcast Call Her Daddy resurfaced, where she said “the most lesbian thing” about her, according to her girlfriend, is how “repulsed by dick” she is. That is an inoffensive, common-sense, lighthearted joke in the eyes of anyone who thinks lesbians should be honest about our nonexistent sexual attraction to the male body fullstop. Not sometimes. Not ever.
Lesbians are forced to prioritise validating other people’s identities over admitting we don’t like dick. No matter where lesbians turn–’queers’, men, or radical feminists–we’re met with male-attracted women identifying as lesbians. Or, otherwise, males telling us we should accept penis… if we don’t want trouble. Nobody cares that bisexual women are identifying as us, only to fuck men and get off on men thinking they’ve turned a lesbian.
The number of men who have told me they’ve “fucked a lesbian before” is not only despicable; I know he’s not intentionally lying. I know how many bisexual women pretend to be lesbians only to go around fucking men just like King Princess. They have a dykebreaking kink, or else they’d just tell the men they’re bi. Lesbians voicing our disgust with this lesbophobia is considered “biphobic, divisive in-fighting.” As if bisexuals and lesbians are the same, because nobody can fathom that lesbians only enjoy the female body. If a lesbian says she is repulsed by penis? Or, in the case of Young Miko, mentions never fucking a man before? Witch!
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